Thursday, May 31, 2007

Al-Quaida Recruitment Tapes Found

In another rousing victory in the war on terror, the Bush administration can reveal that they have unearthed top-secret recruitment DVDs for anti-American terrorists in the dorm of Ali bin Ahmed bin Saleh Al-Fulani, a 2nd year sociology and politics major in Washington State University.

The DVD collection, which includes a deluxe box set of My Super Sweet 16, The Reese Witherspoon Romantic Comedy Collection and The Complete Everybody Loves Raymond, was unearthed during a high-security search of Mr. Saleh Al-Fulani’s college dormitory room.

Because of the delicacy and seriousness of the issue, U.S. President George W. Bush chose to lead the room-raid himself, tipped off by an anonymous tip that some believe came from his college fraternity. “This is a serious issue”, Mr. Bush said, “Look at the decadence, low moral values and vulgarity of these box sets! Who wouldn’t want to bomb Americans after watching any of these DVDs?”

The Commander in Chief has ordered an urgent airdrop of positive examples of American culture (consisting of the Rocky movies and Bruce Springsteen back catalogue) to all Middle Eastern regions. This will be followed by an international media campaign of Mark Twain literature, Paul Newman movies, the music ofJohnny Cash and Sufjan Stephens, and seasons 2-6 of The Simpsons. “And if that don’t work”, Mr. Bush claims, “maybe a few seasons of ‘24’ will scare them straight!”

While the American Government are taking the matter very seriously, an anonymous source from Mr. Saleh Al-Fulani’s fraternity, Fi Zeta Ti, claims that the call was made as a practical joke to highlight his poor taste: “bro, this worked out way better than I could have even imagined! That’s some good hazing right there.”

Meanwhile: Mr. Saleh Al-Fulani is in an unnamed location awaiting trial for crimes against the state.

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