Sometimes I wake up, not knowing who I am, not knowing anything. I cannot think, I love this feeling. Not knowing, and even if I want to know I can't know. It is strange, everything goes blank and I am lost for a few minutes in a hole, in emptiness, in a void.
It is strange that I like this, at first it is annoying, no memories exist, there is nothing to be thought or heard. But it is enjoyable, not knowing.
Years go by and still I am here, I exist or sub-exist, my world changing, or does it? Sometimes I just fall doen and things get worse, though as years go by I am supposed to be learning, sometimes I end up more confused and realise I know nothing, I am still an unborn child.
Sometimes I am empty, like the dead. Sometimes I am souless, please help me not to faint. You cannot trust in me, I am failable, I am brittle boned. I am weak, I have envy in my heart, I am a rotten man.
I am not perfect, you say, "I thought you were kind and caring." I am or at least I try to be, but at times it is hard it is impossible. You read me the way you want to read me, when you are with me you laugh at my jokes when you are gone you say those jokes were cruel, they were knives.
Do you know what knives feel like, they are pain...cold...sharp...and endless thrust of metal...the plunge...the twist...the sliding in and out.
Music has a way, it sings to me, it uplifts me, it makes me scream, it makes me weep. I am no baby, I am a man, I built to flaw, I will explode on impact.
Hear the china doll crying from the window shop, "Be gentle with me I'll break if I'm dropped." That's how I feel sometimes, that I'll break, I fear it, that i'll smash into a thousand fragmented pieces. No amount of glue will put me back, nothing will save my head, arm or leg.
Treason sounds good, put my head on the chopping block and crown me king.
I am tired now, I must sleep. Let me sleep forever.